I love to read, and people tell me that if you love to read you may be a good writer. I would like to find out if I am a good writer, but I cant really think of anything to write, at least not something people would want to read. I wouldnt want to write about serious things or sad things, only funny things probably.
The funniest thing in my life also happens to be the most obnoxious. My dog. I cant compete with Marley and Me, but we do have our moments. Most of these moments are characterized by her making me look like an absolute crazy person.
Despite completing almost two full dog obedience classes she still has yet to learn two of what I consider to be the most important dog commands, come and stay. Perhaps you are wondering why she failed to complete the second dog obedience class, maybe you are not, but I will tell you anyway.
I was about eight months pregnant with our first child and had begun to have panic attacks when leaving the house and all the pulling and jerking on the leash and her ear splitting barking in the car all contributed to us getting an incomplete. So, she is not the only flawed party in this little dysfunctional relationship, I admit to having my own issues, and perhaps some of my neurosis have rubbed off on her. Anyhow I am not convinced that she would have mastered these all important skills had we received a second doggie obedience diploma.
The latest incident happened during what I like to refer to as the dark time of my third pregnancy. To say I get sick during the first trimester is a slight understatement. While I am not feeling tip top I neglect a lot of basic personal hygiene. So, if you can picture me (which I am sure you have only seen me as a glowing goddess of perfection and it maybe be quite a shock when you try) unshowered (regretfully for several days) and wearing an old shirt of Steve's which had acquired a lot of barf stains, mostly from Nolen, after having wore it for several days, workout capris, and no shoes. I definitely had the look of a crazy lady with out being encouraged to behave like one.
Aiden requested to see his pumpkin on the front porch and being the obliging mom that I am I opened the door to let him peak out and the devil, I mean Ellie shot past me, deliberately making a run for it and using enough force to give acknowledgment to the fact she knows she should not go out the front door.
Normally this wouldn't be too big of a disaster, but it happened to be bus drop off time in our neighborhood. All the moms (who shower and actually pick out real clean clothes) were at their posts awaiting their little cherubs.
Ellie proceeded to ignore my requests through clenched teeth to please come in the house. In fact she did the opposite. She proceeded to pee in every yard down the block - four houses in all. Squatting and peeing and darting off when it looked like I might get close enough to grab her.
Keep in mind I cant go too far, I have one two year old on the front porch in his underwear, saying "mom what are you doing?" and a 9 month old very mobile crawler roaming the house untethered.
I ran back in side grabbed a loaf of bread, because tossing slices of bread at a peeing dog while pleading with her to come in side doesnt look silly.
Finally Ellie got bored or knew I was soon to close the door and never let her back in the house, EVER. So quick as she ran out she ran back in. She seemed very pleased with herself, which leads me to believe she calculates these little tirades in order to purposely embarrass me.
