How Do you Solve a Problem Like Ellie?

Last week I was seriously considering finding a new home for Ellie. I haven't really dared let myself go there before. I always secretly wondered what kind of person could give their dog up, and now I know. One that is on the brink of insanity and is searching for some sort of peace and quiet and clean.

This weekend Ellie's fate was determined by the sentimental movie Marley and Me. I think me reading the book last year got her through my last temptation to be rid of her and all the trouble she brings. So we will see how long this saves her as one of Team Schwark. Anyhow, teary eyed and hopes bolstered I renewed my vow to keep her.

I mean really, how much less color would our lives have with out her? I forgot to mention in my last post while she thwarted the babysitter and was out on the lamb she decide it would be a good idea to also roll in dog poop. So not only did she have to be caught, once home she had to be bathed. This poor woman who is trying to watch my kids now has to deal with scrubbing poop off my dog. This was definitely not in the notes I left.

Then to top off the weekend Ellie decided to get stuck under the house today. Steve and I are painting the boys room upstairs. I have the window open so I can hear Ellie and Aiden playing in the backyard. After a little while of silence I decide to go down and check on them. I peered around the corner of the house to find Aiden standing next to Ellie, saying sweet calming things, "It is okay Ellie, you can get out Ellie, come on Ellie you can do it." Ellie replied with pitiful whimpering and whining, insisting she was indeed stuck. It looked like Lassie reversed. Ellie has never had a clear vision of herself being the hero.

Anyway, I hollered up to Steve who came and assessed the situation, went to get a shovel, and I a camera. He dug her out. At least she is moping around the house looking like she feels stupid.

Seriously, what a dull house without Ellie to constantly wreak havoc, destroy toys, spread dirt, mud, and poop. Don't forget how much I love her when she barks at...nothing, and wakes up sleeping kids.

How do you solve a problem like Ellie? You don't, you just try to survive her.

Ellie and Me

I love to read, and people tell me that if you love to read you may be a good writer. I would like to find out if I am a good writer, but I cant really think of anything to write, at least not something people would want to read. I wouldnt want to write about serious things or sad things, only funny things probably.

The funniest thing in my life also happens to be the most obnoxious. My dog. I cant compete with Marley and Me, but we do have our moments. Most of these moments are characterized by her making me look like an absolute crazy person.

Despite completing almost two full dog obedience classes she still has yet to learn two of what I consider to be the most important dog commands, come and stay. Perhaps you are wondering why she failed to complete the second dog obedience class, maybe you are not, but I will tell you anyway.

I was about eight months pregnant with our first child and had begun to have panic attacks when leaving the house and all the pulling and jerking on the leash and her ear splitting barking in the car all contributed to us getting an incomplete. So, she is not the only flawed party in this little dysfunctional relationship, I admit to having my own issues, and perhaps some of my neurosis have rubbed off on her. Anyhow I am not convinced that she would have mastered these all important skills had we received a second doggie obedience diploma.

The latest incident happened during what I like to refer to as the dark time of my third pregnancy. To say I get sick during the first trimester is a slight understatement. While I am not feeling tip top I neglect a lot of basic personal hygiene. So, if you can picture me (which I am sure you have only seen me as a glowing goddess of perfection and it maybe be quite a shock when you try) unshowered (regretfully for several days) and wearing an old shirt of Steve's which had acquired a lot of barf stains, mostly from Nolen, after having wore it for several days, workout capris, and no shoes. I definitely had the look of a crazy lady with out being encouraged to behave like one.

Aiden requested to see his pumpkin on the front porch and being the obliging mom that I am I opened the door to let him peak out and the devil, I mean Ellie shot past me, deliberately making a run for it and using enough force to give acknowledgment to the fact she knows she should not go out the front door.

Normally this wouldn't be too big of a disaster, but it happened to be bus drop off time in our neighborhood. All the moms (who shower and actually pick out real clean clothes) were at their posts awaiting their little cherubs.

Ellie proceeded to ignore my requests through clenched teeth to please come in the house. In fact she did the opposite. She proceeded to pee in every yard down the block - four houses in all. Squatting and peeing and darting off when it looked like I might get close enough to grab her.

Keep in mind I cant go too far, I have one two year old on the front porch in his underwear, saying "mom what are you doing?" and a 9 month old very mobile crawler roaming the house untethered.

I ran back in side grabbed a loaf of bread, because tossing slices of bread at a peeing dog while pleading with her to come in side doesnt look silly.

Finally Ellie got bored or knew I was soon to close the door and never let her back in the house, EVER. So quick as she ran out she ran back in. She seemed very pleased with herself, which leads me to believe she calculates these little tirades in order to purposely embarrass me.